Smart Turnout, Latest News

  • Fashion Budget | Smart Turnout's Alternative Budget

    Here at Smart Turnout, we have all been distracted from the football and Wimbledon obsession with one man. A man in a suit who is on the tip of everyone’s tongue...

    Yes, Mr George Osborne, one of the youngest ever Chancellors (and apparently one of the richest) has been delivering the budget report and it has everyone talking. Right or wrong, agree or disagree, people have strong opinions and aren't shy about expressing them.

    So we thought it was time to get involved and we proudly present to you…

    The Alternative Fashion Budget, by Smart Turnout

    In these difficult economic times, we have had to make hard decisions. The trends made popular by other rival retailers have meant we simply have to make some hard choices. But we are in this together so here is our proposal for this year's fashion budget…

    Child Benefit is cut

    At Smart Turnout, we are deeply saddened to announce, in line with the budget, will no longer be stocking children’s clothing. Don’t let the fact we have never stocked it or had no plans to do so fool you – it is all in order to save the economy.

    Hemlines go up 20% to align with VAT

    From January 2011 all hemlines will be required to go up by 20% This includes trousers, skirts and necklines. See a picture of how we can expect to look in six months time. We suggest shopping early this year...

    Drinking Duty

    There will be no increase made to customers who choose to purchase clothing and drink at the same time. However, we would encourage you to wait until the morning before buying any of the following items: ‘interesting’ headwear, shoulder pads, leggings for men – sorry guys but they are just plain wrong, leg warmers (hello the eighties are in the past) etc…

    A link between fashion sense and earnings to be restored

    For too long it has been frowned upon for men to spend time on their appearance – well no longer. In the alternative budget looking your best will lead to higher earning potential.

    Personal allowance rises

    The budget has historically increased the number of ties you are allowed to own from ten to fifteen with the aim of increasing this to twenty by the year 2014. An official stated – we need to protect the man who perhaps only has two or three ties that he likes wearing and allow him to have a wider choice. However, there will no increase on sunglasses; there are far too many of them as it is and not enough sun…

    Two year freeze

    For the next two years, we are banning people freezing in our traditional English summers. Just last week in July the temperature is was 55 degrees in June with a low of 48. Therefore immediately after today’s emergency budget it will be mandatory to carry warm socks, sweaters and blankets at all times.

    Duty is imposed on watches

    The budget has announced that there will be a new duty imposed on Smart watches – it will be your duty to make sure you wear one. Gone are the days when one watch would suit all. “To be honest, with the ranges of fashion options available and different straps this watch duty is long overdue.” said a top expert during the budget debate. Therefore there will be monthly watch inspections – make sure you are keeping with the times…

    So what do you think of our alternative budget and, in fact, the real budget? Let us know your views in the comment section.

Items 25 to 25 of 25 total

Page:
  1. 1
  2. ...
  3. 5
  4. 6
  5. 7
  6. 8
  7. 9